Our Decision To Try For Another Baby

The decision to have another baby was not one that we took lightly. 

We've talked about it for a long time but ultimately in the end I am a mum and I was ready for more kids the second I'd given birth.

As a teenager I'd always said I didn't want kids or to get married, ever. It wasn't until Paddy and I had been together for about 5 months before I realised that he would be a great dad.

We were at his cousins wedding when I came to this realisation. He was entertaining one of his cousins children pretty much all day (kids love him) and I just looked over. I didn't tell him for a while that I wanted children. We'd never really talked about it at all.

It wasn't until my friend told us we'd be great parents that we did talk about it. And I realised he'd wanted kids for a while too. This is when we started trying for Ted. Read my birth story HERE

So, when we lost Ted the subject of trying again did come up. Originally it was someone in the street that said it. I was prepared to have to have the conversation about Ted for a while after he'd gone. Not everyone knew and obviously they were going to ask when they saw us without him in the street. One of my ex-colleagues asked where the baby was when they saw Paddy and I the weekend after it happened. (note: this person has some for of aspergers so you have to take everything with a pinch of salt.) When I explained that he'd died he said  "oh, you can always try again". I'm sure he didn't mean it in such the harsh way it came out but my first reaction to it was no. Of course I can't have another one that would be ridiculous. 

This was back when I was still convinced that my life was over. I'd decided when the consultant said he might not make it, that if Ted died I would die.

But after he said it I started thinking about it more and more. paddy and I discussed it a lot. We've talked about it near enough every day. He said he was ready to have another one already but would wait for as long as I wanted. 

At first I didn't want to think about it for at least a year. Then I decided we would wait 6 months, then right away and then I'd wait longer. My mind was everywhere. I didn't know what to do.

Recently we've had a more in depth conversation about it (especially since getting the results of the inquest back as we were worried it could be something genetic) and we've come to the decision to try again.

We haven't told a lot of people. Just my mum and our friends (who were also Ted's godparents). 

I know a lot of people will have a lot to say about it but truthfully it's my body that has to go through the pregnancy and it's Paddy and I that are having the baby, no one else. Unfortunately we live in a very small town where everyone knows everyone else's business. Not only this but they have to have an opinion on it.

I'm prepared to deal with comments. I think it would be naive to think everyone would just keep their opinions to themselves.

I will be keeping you guys informed with every little step we take on this journey (hopefully updating this blog every day) and if anyone has any questions or something they would like to say please, by all means, leave a comment. I will do my best to answer as many as possible.