Motivation

Motivation is something I have a problem with. I've not always had an issue with it. I used to be able to get up in the mornings and get everything done. However, lately it's just escaped me. "To do" lists remain unfulfilled and unchecked on my desk, the dishes have pilled up, and the ironing remains un-ironed in favour of books to be read and television to be watched.

I wish had a list of things to put here, about how to find motivation and get things done, but I don't. I have absolutely no motivation at all and I can't give you any tips on how to get out of that. Instead I'm going to share with you a list of things that I have been putting together, of goals I hope to reach over the next few months.

Make a doctors appointment. This may seem like an easy thing for most people to do. Surely you just pick up the phone, ring the surgery and make an appointment. Unfortunately I have a very high level of anxiety and talking on the phone is terrifying. Also, the surgery panics me quite badly. But I need to get over it.

Blog more. I love doing this and once I get into the flow of sitting down and writing a blog post, I wish I had more to share with you guys. I love writing and I love blogging and hope to be doing it for a long time.

Get out of the house more. Due to zero motivation I rarely get out of my pajamas let alone leave the house. I need to learn to get moving in the mornings and get outside for at least a little bit each day. I shall go crazy if I'm to be stuck in the house every day.

Work more. I've recently gone back to work after a year out. It's slow work and only a few days here and there but I want to be able to say yes to shifts without panicking like crazy and dreading the day approaching.

Apply for school jobs. Come September the pub I'm currently working in will be closing and I'd really like to go back to working in a school. I'm qualified as a teaching assistant and worked as a one to one support assistant for two years. I loved it and although I originally said I'd never work with kids again after losing my son, I think I'm ready to go back.

Look after myself more. If I'm going to be perfectly honest with myself (and lets face it that's important) things have got really difficult to deal with lately. After losing Edward someone told me that the first year will be the hardest. I don't remember who that was but if I remember, I shall be having words with them. Because although the first set of milestones (birthdays, Christmas, mothers day) were very hard, grief has no time limit. Things have become increasingly difficult to deal with and we've been offered little to no help with coping. If it weren't for my GP taking it upon himself to ring me in his own time, no one would know if I were still alive. So, I've decided I need to go and get some help with things and I need to start caring that I'm okay more.

Sort out the house. I've always been particular when it comes to where things go. Everything has a place and nothing really needs to be left out. However, due to the things I've mentioned in the last post, I've let it all slip and my house is a jumble of things. I need to sort through paperwork and get rid of the stuff that is still packed away from when we moved in two years ago. If I haven't unpacked them by now then surely I don't really need whatever is in there.

Do any of you have any issues staying motivated? If so, how do you cope with it?